Sep 20, 2007

Post placement thoughts

Just finishing our 1yr post placement visit, I thought I would share some thoughts about that. So many people question the homestudy and the visits that it entails. It isn't really a study of your home, per se, although they certainly look at that as well. It is more of a study of YOU and your abilities to parent a child that didn't come from your body. How come biological parents don't have to have them??? Is there the thought that because a child came from your body you will have no problems parenting them? OR, could it be that there is the thought of "there is no turning back are pregnant and can't give it back?" If they did homestudies on bio parents and they didn't pass what do you suppose would happen to that child? I felt as if there was "no turning" back once the decision was made to adopt. Our baby was out there and we had to get her home!! I never really felt probed or invaded with our homestudies. Sometimes it irritated me that we had to jump through so many hoops, especially if I thought there was a better way to do things. HA HA

One huge PET PEEVE is the financial aspect of it. GET READY FOR A POLITICAL RANT..why isn't it ever asked of all the young mothers and fathers if they can support their new baby without the support of the govt. Why does the govt make it so easy to continue to have children and be support by them but yet makes adoption really expensive and timely.?? Ok I am done with that. I will never regret an ounce of paperwork and worry that I had to do before, during, and after the adoption because it brought Claire home. But wow, don't I wish it were a more simpler process. My friend questioned why the post placement study "It's not like they will take her away...right??" I told our social worker about that statement and he said it was soley for the protection of the parents. He wanted to continue to let us know that he would be here for any problems we would encounter once the child came home....wouldn't that be a nice service to bio parents as well.

3 comments: said...

I hear you. We do (as adopted parent's) have to jump through a lot more hoops than someone who has bio children. There are no test to see if they qualify to be a parent, yet we are asked a host of questions and some quite personal. I found the post placement visits though to be more about the children adjusting and to find out if there were any real issues. Which we discovered that both children suffered from attachement disorder. And both in completely different ways. A would go to anyone which we discovered was a sign that she had not formely bonded with daddy and I. She couldn't distinguish who her care givers were. K on the other hand freaked out anytime one of us would leave the room. She had a fear of being left. It took K about 6 months before she would trust that we were coming right back even if it were just to the potty. A it was almost a year. I have seen too many people who think just because the child came to them immediately that there are no issues. This is when we as parent's need to take notice. I found the post placement to be more than beneficial. It helped us better understand what our children were coming from and how better to cope ourselves with the sometimes painful adjustment. Glad we've got that under our belt. Now we are starring the terrible two's in the face. They don't call them "terrible" for nothing! lol....

laurel said...

Wow! I totally agree. Never thought about it, but you are right! THanks for the insight.

Maylin's mom

R... said...

Glad the visit is behind you. What an amazing year it has been for you! I know the next will be equally amazing for you. :-)

Every call has a beginning. A quiet moment when God whispers a promise to a mother’s heart . A holy place where a father bows and faithfully accepts the journey set before him. A miraculous morning that unexpectedly dawns… Casting its first light on a chosen threshold. A gentle knock..a closed door opens, a sacred invitation sent by the Father.. leads to the other side of the world. Where lonely hearts stare out orphanage windows praying for someone to care.. and then one morning, on an ordinary day an orphan’s life changes... God sends them a second chance...Through you..
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